Group 

Isn’t for me. I’ve been awake all night with anxiety worrying about it. This always happens when I’m invited to group. I see my own private therapist one to one which has been more successful for me. I’ve already had over a year of it and it has changed my life. I like to talk about my own problems and book it at a time that suits me. It empowers me. I rung to cancel group threapy and the woman who runs its phone was already busy. I don’t think I’m the only  person dropping out or needing reassurance to turn up. I’ve experienced group so many times that starts off with 20 people after a week goes down to 4. I would go along to small group- why does the NHS insist on cramming the most people together to save money…ugh..anyway I’ve made my decision and nothings changed in my own recovery. I just need to justify my own reasons and I worry people will be disappointed in me. The NHS keeps on cancelling the group and then people get half way through it and due to poor attendance the whole things falls through. Can’t they see people want 1 to 1 or small groups more? Plus I’m already using Mindfullness and have a good insight into my illness. So many people that turn up to group are more ill than me and it holds me back and triggers me. Sounds selfish but I’m happy with who I’ve got in my life supporting me I don’t want to meet any more people who have my problems. I get that sense of belonging from my friends and blogging friends. Plus after I’ve done the six week course I would then have to do DBT which means starting again in therapy and not working for another year and I am desperate to start living my life and nurse again! Just want to move on now. I guess I am more ahead in my recovery than I thought.

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