I can barely shower and feed myself some days, how the hell am I meant to complete a psychology degree? Honestly, I sign myself up for the most rediculous things when I am manic and they always come back to bite me in the ass. “Lets move to Thailand”, “lets complete a Marathon”, “lets fly to the f**king moon!”.
I am trying to study and the words are just not going in. And then the more I try and re read my assignment, the harder it gets to take in and the more frustrated I get with myself and the more angry I get. I don’t know if this is meant to help fill a missing gap in my life or is actually making me worse. I am not well enough to work and I need to be doing something with my life, but I actually want to get out there, be hands on and work with people to boost my self esteem and to be Nurse Amy again. I’ve applied for some volunteering but in this stupid **** **** ***** town there is nothing around. Don’t even get me started on the lack of nursing opportunities around here. No wonder every one just gets pregnant and drinks in the pub it is because there is nothing else to do! I am desperate to move and get out of here but of course money doesn’t grow on trees and its putting a strain on my relationship. I am just fed up of waiting to live my life, I want to live it! I know what I want more than anything, but it isn’t that simple..
There is just always this overwhelming feeling of emptiness… I wish I was manic again because then I felt happy and invincable- I probably should have started the stupid degree then. I am just so tired talking about mental health and being reminded of my problems that I don’t have much passion for this degree. I want to be hands on and nurse again… OMG I think I just answered my own question!