Breaking My Suicide Silence

In respect of Suicide Awareness day, and bless the souls of those who have passed as such I would like to share my story of suicide. My suicide attempts were a mixture of crying for help and intentionally wanting to die due to suffering from so much hurt and escaping from the intensive thoughts in my head.

I have attempted suicide 7 times, including overdose and ending up on life support.

I cannot believe I have wished for death seven times when my life has turned out to be so good. It upsets me when people say that suicide is selfish, I do not believe suicide is selfish at all as the intense hopeless you experience is overwhelming. You feel a burden for taking in the very oxygen you breathe. I have since self-harmed badly and wanted to commit suicide again, but the times I did I asked for help. I called the Samaritans a lot. I also asked to have my prescription delivered weekly instead of monthly as I do not feel safe keeping an excessive amount of tablets near me. It is not that I want to die, but the thought is taken away if it is not near me. To anyone that feels suicidal, you are not alone, and suicide is not as romantic and quick as it is made out to be, it is painful and life changing. My body is permanently damaged from overdosing and I do not have the freedom to manage my own medication, I probably never will. It is so important to keep on talking about mental health, so we can reduce the loneliness that comes with the darkness and suffering. When you feel like killing yourself, try to get through the next ten minutes, and then the next hour. Keep going!

Amy Belle

20 thoughts on “Breaking My Suicide Silence

  1. I have been suicidal for 6 months. But then I realized that in the end there are many people on the earth who don’t want me to die. So, it’s great that you are still here with us. I hope you have read my poem “will you? ” which is about suicide awareness.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am sorry to hear you have been feeling this way Kriti. I don’t want you to die, life can be cruel and yet beautiful. I will check out your poem, and keep on spreading awareness! All the best to you, Amy Belle

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes people should never be judged for feeling or acting on suicidal thoughts. I have never attempted it but I have seen two sisters who did and the way my sister’s body was damaged was so traumatic for all of us including her. It is brave of you to open up and raise awareness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry to hear about your family- it breaks my heart and makes me realise the impact I could have upon my family. Suicide can be very damaging to our bodies. Thank you so much for your words and I send comfort to you and your family. All the best, Amy Belle

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Amy I dont think you should feel bad as if you are desperate that is truly the way you feel and there is a deep truth in a suicidal impulse, it still has an effect but we have to separate the two. I would hate to think anything I wrote made you feel bad things about yourself, just when there is love it hurts to see those you love hurt and suffer that is what makes us most human, most deeply connected. Love and peace to you, beautiful. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words Darren, I am glad I am here too! You will know when you are ready to share and I look forward to reading your surival story you warrior of mental health! All the best to you, Amy Belle

      Liked by 2 people

  3. this is very empowering. I wish you all the best. Thought of suicide has come to me couple of times over the last 6 or 7 months. But knowing that it’ll end my suffering but extend my loved has led me not to act on it.

    Liked by 1 person

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