In respect of Suicide Awareness day, and bless the souls of those who have passed as such I would like to share my story of suicide. My suicide attempts were a mixture of crying for help and intentionally wanting to die due to suffering from so much hurt and escaping from the intensive thoughts in my head.
I have attempted suicide 7 times, including overdose and ending up on life support.
I cannot believe I have wished for death seven times when my life has turned out to be so good. It upsets me when people say that suicide is selfish, I do not believe suicide is selfish at all as the intense hopeless you experience is overwhelming. You feel a burden for taking in the very oxygen you breathe. I have since self-harmed badly and wanted to commit suicide again, but the times I did I asked for help. I called the Samaritans a lot. I also asked to have my prescription delivered weekly instead of monthly as I do not feel safe keeping an excessive amount of tablets near me. It is not that I want to die, but the thought is taken away if it is not near me. To anyone that feels suicidal, you are not alone, and suicide is not as romantic and quick as it is made out to be, it is painful and life changing. My body is permanently damaged from overdosing and I do not have the freedom to manage my own medication, I probably never will. It is so important to keep on talking about mental health, so we can reduce the loneliness that comes with the darkness and suffering. When you feel like killing yourself, try to get through the next ten minutes, and then the next hour. Keep going!