Where Is My Sparkle? 

I’ve lost my little sparkles. The ones that make me bubbly Amy Belle. I a hope this is not a long depressive cycle. I know it has begun because the things that made me happy before don’t have the same desired effect. I don’t feel anything. I cannot even cry. I do not see the point in self harming to feel alive for five minutes because it won’t make me feel anything. I have many things to be happy about but I feel heavy and dead. My loved one have noticed. All I want to do is sleep. Not to escape reality but because it is all my body is telling me to do. I can’t stop eating- when I am manic I can’t eat. This flat feeling I longed for so much last cycle, the Lorazepam made me feel numb for a few hours. Now I am feeling this heavy numbness 24 hours a day. I long to feel alive. I long for those short cycles when I feel level. I’m feeling really deflated. I pray this cycle doesn’t last so long and I don’t end up in hospital again. Amy Belle 

19 thoughts on “Where Is My Sparkle? 

      1. Don’t you worry about apologizing you silly girl. I’m sorry you’re feeling so low. Why don’t you let your doc know? Maybe the “Q” isn’t the right med for you. I completely undersdtand that numb feeling. I’ve had it on and off and I know if it continued I’d stop taking the med all together.

        Be gentle with yourself.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I know how that feels so well, the loss of vitality. As these cycles go, I hope you can take comfort in the fact it will be over soon. What helped me get out of it quicker was to force myself to do the things I used to like doing (even if it doesn’t do anything at the time.) it gets better day after day. Hang in there my friend🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reminding there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. I am struggling today, I have lots to sort out and do, such as blogging, which I would normally do but my body is so lethargic and my mind blank. I am having to force myself to get things done today. I have put some good feeling music on which helps. I hope you are well. All the best, Amy

      Liked by 1 person

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