Smeagol or Gollum?

If you have seen Lord Of The Rings you will be familiar with the battle that Gollum faces and how he changes after being reunited with his birth name. That is that battle I am facing. Smeagol was a hobbit who represents goodness before he found the Ring, he has faith in humanity and wants to help others. Gollum is the persona that overtook Smeagol that is cruel, selfish, and twisted. I am in the transition is changing my name and feel that I am now going back to becoming Smeagol but in the form of Amy Belle. Amy Taylor was Gollum. She was the girl that was bullied, abused and didn’t know who she was. She spent her entire life wondering from place to place with no sense of belonging. She was angry and selfish, not because it was her fault but because of the horrible things that happened to her. Amy Belle is the result of finding out who I am and recovering from my abuse and mental illness. Amy Belle is who I truely am. She is kind, compassionate, strong and independent. She could kick your ass in a minute or help heal your heart. Changing my name legally doesn’t just represent my signature change, but becoming the person who I always was after having the right opportunity to blossom. For now and for a long time, I am Amy Belle.

6 thoughts on “Smeagol or Gollum?

  1. I went through the same thing in July. I changed my birthname on my birth certificate, to the name I have used and been known by since I was 14yo. To some, it’s just a piece of paper. And in fact it doesn’t alter any of my ID – bank cards, public health system card, private health insurance, learner drivers license! – other than the birth certificate itself. The ONLY place it was changed and I was issued a new card for, was for the government department that provide me with my disability pension. Everywhere else, nothing changed. To me, it represented much more than just altering a piece of paper. It separated me from what was and what is now. I also made the change to honour my grandmother, who passed away July 14th – four days after my 28th birthday – and I had my name officially changed on July 19th, the day before her funeral. I know how you feel and the process you are going through. You have all my support and love.

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