PLEASE, BELIEVE ME!

They say that the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis is triggered when a child does not have their emotions validated by a parent or loved one. This leaves the child feel shame and guilt about how they are feeling. I am able to relate to this. My biggest fear is not being believed when I am telling the truth. It takes a lot for a child to ask for help, and when that is ignored it leads to them becoming damaged as an adult. I remember when I was 14 years old and a teacher caught me self-harming with my library card in the school toilets. She sent me to the matron who then phoned my mum. My mum turned around and said that I was being attention seeking and to keep me in school. I tried to explain to her that I was being bullied badly, but she everyone got bullied at school and it was something everyone has to go through. Needless to say, I never mentioned my self-harm or how I was feeling again. I suffered in silence and my anger spiraled out of control, a year of tantrums which involved me running away numerous times with boys a lot older than me. I was being punished for being a “bad” teenager yet and I was actually crying for help. I also remember when I told my mother and my previous boyfriend that I had been sexually assaulted on a bus. They did not believe me and called me attention seeking. However, I was 18 by now and knew what I was experiencing was real. Needless to say when the police turned up to take a report of the assault they believed me then! I still have problems validating my own feelings and feel shame in it. That is the main reason why I self-harm; because I must punish myself for how I am feeling. The emotion I struggle with the most is happiness, at some point in my life someone told me that I don’t deserve happiness. Of course, everyone deserves to be happy and I wouldn’t treat someone the way I treat myself but it is a strong habit to break. I still have nightmares, always the same one, where the world is ending and nobody believes me. Have you ever watched the part of Mulan where the Huns are coming back to over take China but nobody believes her because she is a woman? She feels angry and desperate- that is what is constantly like.

“Please, believe me”

“You do believe me don’t you?”

Amy Belle

16 thoughts on “PLEASE, BELIEVE ME!

  1. I agree. There’s a lot on Twitter from some people who work in MH in the NHS who disagree with it as a diagnosis because it’s usually as a result of trauma. Or not having your emotions validated as a child as you said. I have read that it is used as an excuse to deny some patients treatment in the NHS because it is deemed as being out of control and attention seeking.

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    1. That terrible to hear. It takes a lot for people to ask help. It is funny how what happened to us as children shape who we are as adults. I have been called attention seeking and been treated badly by MH services before. I think the diagnosis is stereotypicalised. Thanks for your comment. Amy Belle

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  2. The most terrible thing you can do is give a child no attention to his or her emotions and then we she or he tries to tell of the distress through means beyond words (which, by the way were stolen or not given so early on), is then to accuse them of seeking attention. Pay fucking attention. The person needs help, most often the help to know how to feel, how to communicate and how to get fundamental emotional needs met.

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    1. Absoultely agree. It was actually through reading your blog and research that I have been able to understand what happened to me as a child has affected me now as an adult. I know that I wont behave like this when I have my own children. Thanks for your comment x

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  3. I think that deep need for validation is common in any trauma with an extreme power differential where one person has effective “control” over another. Judith Lewis Herman described EUPD as kind of one extreme of the trauma spectrum. I have C-PTSD not specifically EUPD, but being disbelieved or dismissed, especially if “crazy” or “not rational” is used as the justification is absolutely my insta-trigger.

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    1. Sorry to hear that. Just because we have different diagnosis doesn’t mean we don’t feel the same human pain. Isn’t it funny how we experience life early on effect us as adults? It sounds like you have a good insight into your mental health. Stay strong, Amy

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  4. Hugs, you too. If you haven’t read Trauma and recovery: the aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror or The body keeps the score, they are both great books that gave me a better perspective on “lack of validation” in interpersonal relationships, aka the human responses to the kinds of trauma that can lead to EUPD, C-PTSD etc.

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      1. Well, as well as I can. I haven’t shared my trauma history on my blog, and I probably won’t in detail, but mine has an element that isn’t just “in the past.” That part is making an appearance and severely straining my coping mechanisms these few weeks. I’m attempting to figure out how to blog about it, but the words haven’t come so far. Still, trying to find them and reading about things and coloring have all been helping more than when this has happened before.

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