I remember when I was cleaning for hours and I asked my mum why I did it- she said that I was always moving things around in the house because I couldn’t have clutter in my life when it was in mind. It’s true. I am noticing that because I am feeling stressed about going on holiday tomorrow- and we have faced the car breaking down and now the hotel room might not be available- that I have been decluttering the flat and I am cleaning up my social media. I believe that because I can’t control things in life I am trying to gain back that control in other aspects of my life. Some people control what they eat, some people control what they say, my thing is controlling clutter. I can’t have clutter. I have a really bad habit of buying things brand new and then throwing them away. I also try and control things by cleaning and moving them around. I think this is the soul destroying relationship between bipolar, anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. When I am manic I become obsessed with things and collect a lot of junk, the anxious girl in me worries so much about the things that she can’t control that the obsessive compulsive in me then throws things away to gain back some control. My friends and family can see that I have a really bad habit. It is such a waste. I noticed that because I am triggering I am decluttering because I can’t have this weight on my mind. I really hope I calm down but inside I feel I am going to burst.