I didn’t go to group therapy today. I’m sorry. I feel guilty because I have let myself and everyone down. I hardly slept. I had panic attacks. I was away from home. I had to take my medicine and it made me too groggy to attend. I feel like running away. I’m really happy and therapy reminds me of my problems. One of the things we borderlines do well is to think that because everything is ok at the moment that means we are healed. I want to self harm. I want to punish myself for not going. I’m fighting with myself, telling myself that it is ok to make a mistake. It doesn’t mean I don’t want therapy, I just want to hide in my bubble for a little while. I’ve come so far. I don’t want to throw all my hard work away. It’s ok to be unwell. Recovery is a long, hard journey. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve the help, I don’t deserve to be happy. But I’ve already done the hardest part- to ask for help.