Self-Harm

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Dear Self-Harm,

Soon we are coming up to our ten year anniversary

And there is so much I want to say

You’ve been part of my life for too long

And now I need to push you away.

You came out of the blue

I didn’t know what you were

I was just a child

And I thought I could turn to you.

Going round in circles

Pinch, scratch and bite

Ouch that really hurt!

My comfort razor I’m holding tight.

You’ve scarred my beautiful body

Made me cut away my skin

Self-harm you’re just a shield

You can’t stop what I’m feeling within.

You creep up on me now and then,

Especially when I’m feeling strong

Now I can see properly

What you are making me do is wrong.

It’s hard to let you go

You’ve became a bad habit

You make me pull down my sleeves

Lie to others about how I done it.

I’m fed up of feeling numb

Lying here covered in blood

You’ve consumed my self-worth

I’m giving up the nightmares before they come.

So many bandages and pain

Making my family cry

There is nothing to be gained

Its time to say good bye.

Amy Belle

42 thoughts on “Self-Harm

  1. Although a painful read, riddled with some familiar sentiment, I’m sure; it was also a powerfully uplifting read to know that you’ve risen from this and feel better for it.

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  2. It’s funny in an ironic way, that I read this post today. At the time of this comment being written, I am 387 days free of self harm. I choose not to use the term ‘clean’, personal preference. I go by the last time I received stitches for a self inflicted injury. Last weekend I went to have a consult with my friend and tattooist (she’s the artist behind my hummingbird) about getting a cover up over my scars on my arms.

    I was stuck in the strangle-hold of Self Harm for 13yrs. It is the longest relationship I’ve ever had. I am, as I said, over a year free. But that doesn’t mean I do t think about it. That it’s not on my mind way too frequently. And no, the last year has not been a cake walk. And just because I have reached that milestone doesn’t mean I am ever going to be ‘cured’ of this addiction. Because that is what it is, an addiction. But, having said all that, I am PROOF that it is completely, entirely, absolutely, 100% ACHIEVABLE FOR ANYONE to be free of it. To stop hiding. To accept their zebra stripes. To realise their worth and realise how beautiful they are, scars and all.

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    1. Thank you for your comment darling. I am sat here in so much pain from my cutting. I’m waiting to go to the hospital in a few hours to have it looked at its burns. You are so correct in describing self harm like a relationship- but it’s about making that first step to want to break free. As you say it is in no way a clean break away. It still comes back to haunt you. Your are an inspiration and thanks for your comment my future Aussie friend.

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      1. If it helps, I use a phone app (I have an iPhone and I have friends who have android phones, and it works on both) called ‘nomo’ for keeping track of the time I have free of self harm, and other addictions. It’s free and I’ve found it really helpful.

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      2. That’s a good idea I will have a look into that x I keep it written in my diary too x ATM my self harm as escalated because my partner left me but I’m strong 🙂

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      3. You ARE strong! Well I don’t know the circumstances around your relationship breakdown, but that person now doesn’t get to see you grow and change and blossom into the woman you are underneath all the crappy mental illness, they are missing out on seeing you become who you really are.

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      1. The tattoo was a last minute thing I planned at the tattoo artist wasn’t very good. I asked for a rose and then some nice flowing branches to come off it like a nettle bush and he drew straight lines. I then went to my new amazing tattoo artist and needed to have a lace design flowing through the rose to hide the straight lines. It was so painful getting it I couldn’t walk afterwards lol. Yes fed up of these bandages too x thanks hun x

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      2. I recently got a large tatt on my right calf. Hurt soooo much! I was surprised how long/uncomfortable the healing process has been! Getting my 2nd ankle tattoo next week. I have 1 on my right ankle, getting the right one next week 😋 I’m so excited!

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      3. Thats amazing what did you gt on your calf?! That is such a boney uncomfortable area to get done. Good luck with your ankle and I will want to see some photos of them! Love Amy

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      4. I have a My Little Pony tattoo, it’s my favourite character, Pinkie Pie standing on a piece of cake with a party hat on and a party whistle. If you go to my Instagram account @hummingbirdpages you can see the tattoo ☺️

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      5. My cat? As in the tattoo of a cat or my actual pet cat? The tattoo is the Cheshire Cat from Alice in wonderland and my pet cat is named Tiffany aka Tiffy ☺️ I’m in the middle of a post about my tattoos!

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  3. very powerful poem. I admire your honesty and willingness to share exactly what you’re going through. You are very strong for being able to do that and for trying to overcome this behavior. I wish you the best. Much love – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. It means the world to me that you like it and I hope you find comfort in it. Mental health, especially selfharm, is often “hushed up” and seen as shameful. Often the wounds in our minds are worse than the ones on our bodies. Thanks for your support Speak766 love Amy x

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